Saturday, February 25, 2012

Did You See That: How to Avoid a Drug Policy Suspension

Ryan Braun became the first person to ever overturn a steroid suspension in an arbitration court, and while some believe it's because he's clean, others won't give him the benefit of the doubt because the MLB testing protocol was breached. Well, at least it's better than what happened with some of these guys, and how their suspensions got overturned (of course in reality most didn't, but you get the idea):

J.C Romero: MLB overtturned his suspension after they learned that J.C Romero actually made the Phillies better off without him pitching in the bullpen.

Mike Cameron: His 25 game suspension went away after MLB learned that the stimulants he was taking were suggested to him by concussion recovery advice expert Eric Lindros.

José Guillén: The arbitrator felt bad for the Royals when Dayton Moore said that he expected him to fail a drug test during his 3 week stint with the Royals.

Eliézer Alfonzo: His suspension was overturned and then re-instated after he was mistaken for Edgardo Alfonzo, who, to the surprise of the arbitrator, is actually still playing.

Edinson Volquez: His steroid suspension was wiped away when the arbitrator made a mistake and called him by his name that he used when he got into baseball: Juan Carlos Oviedo.

Jason Grimsley: He never offered up an explanation for his positive test, but his suspension was eliminated after the arbitrator learned how he somehow perfectly forged Paul Sorrento's signature, and also how to replace bats in an umpire's room without messing up the drop ceiling.

Rafael Palmiero: He said "period" an inordinate amount of times during his arbitration hearing, and so much so in fact that the number of Lin mentions on NBA telecasts were dwarfed by it. The arbitrator didn't want to hear it anymore, and let him off the hook.

Ryan Braun: MLB steroid testing protocol was broken when the delivery person took the sample to a USPS office instead of a FedEx one, and he could do nothing when he realized that these post offices were actually closed at 10 on a Saturday Night, or that many post offices don't exist at all now.

If you somehow follow by these examples, you too could get off the hook if you are suspended by Major League Baseball for taking performance enhancing drugs.

No comments:

Post a Comment