Sunday, April 21, 2013

Did You See That: Why Luis Suarez Bit Branislav Ivanovic

Luis Suarez is a soccer lightning-rod by this point. Controversial, yet very talented. Today's antics are just another example, because he apparently bit Branislav Ivanovic. People have wondered why he would do such a thing, and so have I. Here are a few I thought of:

1. He did the same thing when he was at Ajax, and usually most players are successful when they do the same things that made them famous at Ajax.

2. Turns out there aren't any Serbian restaurants on Merseyside, and he wanted any chance he could get to eat Serbian.

3. Biting someone on the arm is a greeting that's socially acceptable in Uruguay...? That's not right...

4. He's a big Mike Tyson fan, but thought that the ear would have too much fat in a Chelsea player.

5. Since he didn't win a medal at the 2012 Summer Olympics, he had to bite something and smile while in the public eye to make up for it.

6. Since this cost Liverpool whatever slim chance they had left at playing in Europe next season, Suarez really must hate those trips to Belarus and the Czech Republic to play on Thursdays.

7. He didn't think the term "beautiful game" applied to any Chelsea defender.

8. Suarez felt guilty because he wasn't red carded for biting, so he wanted to let Kevin Friend's awful refereeing off the hook by having this controversy hang over the game.

9. I guess being a vampire fan doesn't mean you have to be on "Team Edward" or "Team Bella".

10. "He was offering out his arm close to my mouth, so I had to bite him." Luis Suarez's possible excuse. Sure you did, you Alex Burrows impersonator.

11. Hell, at least he didn't bite on what Francisco Gallardo bit on:

12. Luis Suarez really wanted me to write another re-hash joke list for my blog.

"You'll Never Walk Alone" when you play for Liverpool, but you're sure to bite someone alone.

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