Tuesday, August 5, 2014

What does Alabama have against the Vancouver Canucks?

If you've taken a dive down the internet's endless rabbit hole recently, you would have noticed that sports hate maps have popped up. Thanks to the geniuses from the Reddit subfeeds for every sport, we now have maps for all of the major sports in this country, and they've uncovered some interesting things. Here are my personal favorites:


1. In Kentucky and Tennessee, apparently there is a lot of hatred for the Houston Texans. This is fascinating because not only did latter state steal Houston's first team and didn't even show the common courtesy to give them their silly name back, now they're hating the new team on top of that! And it's not like the teams have had any moments of true hatred... aside from Cortland Finnegan attacking Andre Johnson with his helmet. Well now that both teams are bad, they can share in their mutual loathing of the Colts who are light years better. 

2. It's nice to know that most of the South hates the New Orleans Saints, which proved to me that Falcons fans had something to hate aside from Bobby Petrino. At least the Saints fans reciprocated by hating the Falcons in equal measure. 

3. Yes apparently Giants and Jets fans can unite on one thing: The Pats suck. 

4. Philly fans clearly had a stronger influence in Pennsylvania because the Cowboys are the most hated team in that state instead of the Ravens. The rest of the AFC North thanks them, because Ohio, West Virginia and even Maryland hate the Steelers most of all. 

5. Internationally, the Pats are most hated almost everywhere as expected, but the Ravens are apparently the most disliked in Europe. I guess they have stronger stances against domestic abuse than most people in the league office. 


1. Everyone either hates the Heat or the Lakers except for a few outliers: I can get why folks from the Volunteer State dislike the Clippers because of the playoff encounters with the Grizzlies, but with Mississippi and Louisiana joining in, apparently there are more Grizzlies fans than I thought. Or the Hornet/Pelicans are still bitter about Chris Paul. Nice touch from the folks from Washington State in hating the OKC Thunder. 


1. Everyone hates the Yankees! What a shocker. 

2. People from Arkansas I guess really dislike the Cubs. This is bizarre, because even the people from Missouri don't dislike the Cubs as much as they dislike the Cardinals, which is even weirder. Do Royals fans really have that much say? 

3. In Canada's Northwest Territories, there is a substantial amount of Padre hatred. Must be San Diego's weather. In Newfoundland, they don't hate anyone which is a great sign. Hatred is bad, kids.


1. If you thought everyone in the world hates the Yankees, apparently everyone in the world hates the Bruins too. Even Florida's cadre of retirees hates the Bruins too. I'd have picked the Canadiens because their fans are none too nice when they crudely invade BB&T Center, but my vote didn't swing anything.

2. The Ottawa Senators are hated in Wyoming. I hope this is a sample size issue, or maybe it's where Jason Spezza and Daniel Alfredsson planned their Ottawa escape route. Maybe Eugene Melnyk's hidden money stash is there and he just won't bring it across the border to Canada. I should be careful though, or some Ukrainian hackers are going to take down my blog. 

3. Why does Africa hate the Winnipeg Jets? What did they ever do to you Zimbabwe? I have only one theory: All of the old unused Atlanta Thrashers jerseys and merchandise were sent to Africa and the kids who received them were mad that they got stuff from a team that no longer exists. I assumed they liked their "New York Rangers 2014 Stanley Cup Champions" gear more.

So students of the world, according to these maps all of these things are true: You probably hate the Boston Bruins, New York Yankees, Miami Heat, and a NFL team of your choosing. We can find world peace based on this colossal agreement of the many races and creeds.

Call the UN, I have an idea... 

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