Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The 2011 Year-End Awards

It's now time to say goodbye to 2011, and what better way to do it than with a crummy awards post! These aren't your normal awards though, and the winners may not be too happy to receive them. What do the recipients get as winners? Notoriety on a little known sports blog written by a nobody. Better than a razzie, I guess. Here goes nothing:

The "Just Shut Up" Award: Jay Bilas

When UAB and VCU were selected for the NCAA Tournament back in March, many were up in arms, including Bilas, but unlike Joe the plumber, Bilas can easily spew his thoughts on national TV. This is what he said about the selections, "The committee has gone against its own principles. UAB, VCU, why are they in? They were never mentioned [as a possibility] for a reason. ...These are horrible decisions. We need more basketball people on the committee. These are bad, indefensible decisions." Well, VCU's defense was going to the Final 4. Proving people wrong is always fun, but it's even more fun when you can shut someone up in the way that VCU did to Jay Bilas, and to most people, honestly.

The "#SidneyCrosbyIsAVampire" Award: Tim McCarver

(If you don't know what the hashtag means, search it on google). This goes to the person who said the absolute stupidest thing you've heard all year in sports. Tim McCarver said this during the World Series:

"It's a five letter word: S-T-R-I-K-E." Nothing more to say here.

The "Wipeout Special" Award: Ryan Braun

Aside from the steroid allegations, Mr. Braun had a pretty good year. Except for the time when he tried to go for an inside the park home run. He then fell on his way to home. I wonder what John Anderson would have thought about that if he was on the show... I'd be more concerned about Braun hitting his head on a huge red rubber ball and falling into a pile of mud. His hair wouldn't be safe.

The "We Should Have Been Soccer Refs" Award: The refs in the Toledo/Syracuse Game I think this speaks for itself.

The "Shameless Plug of the Year" Award: Brent Musberger

Just before Auburn won the national title, Brent Musberger probably uttered one of the worst lines in the history of sports announcing: "This is for all the Tostitos".  So, by the time the Allstate Title Game comes around, will that game be for "all the insurance"? At least it would be better than with the Potato Bowl, where he'd say "This is for all the potatoes".

The "Rich Kotite Award for Coaching Stupidity": Jason Garrett

Now we all know about icing the kicker, and how it almost never works. We've seen coaches take two timeouts in a row in an attempt to ice the kicker. But, until Week 13 of this NFL season, we've never seen a coach ice his own kicker.  At least until Jason Garrett did that. It would be a shame if the Cowboys fell one game short of the postseason because of that stupid mistake... which they will if they lose against the Giants. No Vanilla Ice quote needed here.

The "Biggest Insult to Journalism Ever" Award: Skip Bayless

If you know anything about Skip Bayless, you'll know that he has an unabashed man-crush on Tim Tebow. His dealings with him on First Take are Grade A comedy, and also the only time in your life when you'll feel sorry for Stephen A. Smith. One can only wonder what would happen if Thom Brennaman, Bayless, and Tebow were in a room all alone together... nah, I don't want to think about that.

The "Brian Bosworth" Award: Tim Tebow

When he patented "Tebowing" after his win against the Dolphins, and also shocked everyone with his ability to force people like Marion Barber to go out of bounds when he needed to stay in bounds, "Tebow Time" was born. It, like "the Boz", may have died in a phoenix flame with his two losses against New England and Buffalo, and would be even more hilarious if he can't beat the QB he essentially ran out of town in order to get Denver into the postseason.

And finally... "The Bernie Madoff Sham of the Year" Award: The NBA

Surprisingly, this doesn't go to the Wilpons even though this award would fit them perfectly.  No, the NBA led by Emperor Stern deserves this award. When they nearly lost their entire season due to a lockout, many thought that something would have changed for the league to have accomplished one of their missions, which was to bring about more competitive balance. And then... the team the NBA owns, the New Orleans Hornets, promptly tried to trade Chris Paul to the LA Lakers, proving that the lockout accomplished nothing. But then, Emperor Stern waved his magic wand, and the trade was vetoed for no reason that was legit in any way, other than "basketball reasons". Why Gary Bettman doesn't do this with every trade the Phoenix Coyotes try to make is beyond me, but anyway... Before the lockout, the NBA was still a sorry league in my mind, and with this trade fiasco, it didn't get a better profile. The league might as well have contracted 22 teams, because 8 are the only ones that will be able to compete.

Hope everyone enjoyed 2011, and here's to an interesting 2012, in which the world doesn't blow up.

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