Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Did You See That: Other Covered Up Sports Hoaxes

With the Manti Te'o fake girlfriend story blowing up twitter and the sports world in general, I started to think about other sports hoaxes that were covered up. Me and my super-secret set of spies did lots of digging to uncover these stories, so if you have a weak constitution, you might want to stop reading.

Luis Suarez: His diving during most games allows him ample practice to become the focal point of the 2016 Summer Olympics Uruguayan diving team: His true calling. (Authors Note: This story seems eerily similar to one we uncovered about Daniel and Henrik Sedin, although that was for synchronized diving)

Ryan Braun: That wasn't testosterone that failed a drug test for him in December of 2011, it was just obscenely high levels of cheap quality Manischewitz wine that Bud Selig loathes.

Tim Tebow: Oddly enough, he isn't just a devout Christian, but also a devout follower of the little known Baha'i faith. His bible tweets spell out a secret message declaring his true faith in the Bab.

Dustin Penner: Turns out, his love of pancakes came from Dean Lombardi joking about what Penner would play for to get out of Edmonton.

AJ McCarron: His girlfriend is not a former Miss Alabama, she's a former Miss Mississippi, and is understandably embarrassed about that.

Dwight Howard: Never really wanted to leave Orlando, because when he won his first Championship, going to Disney World would have been nothing more than a walk for him (which oddly enough, he does plenty of in LA).

Fernando Torres: His poor performances for Chelsea were secretly part of a plan to get Rafa Benitez back as his manager, which worked!... *looks over to spies* What? You mean they've signed Demba Ba anyway? *shakes head*

Tim Thomas: Not playing while hiding in his Colorado house was a secret ploy to get Karl Rove to say he's still better than most NHL starting goaltenders.

Rahim Moore: Blew the coverage against Jacoby Jones because he secretly hates Jack Del Rio's Oklahoma Drill as much as most anyone with a brain does.

Brian Wilson and Sergio Romo: Both grew out their immense beards because they were raising baby birds in the middle of them, and somehow nobody noticed for either one.

Lance Armstrong: Went on Oprah to announce he did in fact dope was carefully planned out since he knew about Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend before the media did.

Reagan Mauia: Lennay's real! I swear! I met her at an after-party! (Author's Note: Speech was slurred, walk was staggered). This was all to cover up the fact that people don't know he's a NFL player.

Maybe I'm not who I say I am here... Maybe I'm the person who created Lennay Kekua... you have no way of proving it...

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