Thursday, December 20, 2012

Did You See That: NFL Christmas Wishes

The Christmas shopping season is close to ending, and some NFL teams have a long and lengthy wishlist for Santa. They didn't go to their local shopping mall to sit on Santa's knee, but the fans have, and Santa has a lot to comb through in order to fulfill all of the wishes. So, I'm going to help him out by making a short, concise list for him. Getting in the Christmas spirit is fun...

Philadelphia Eagles: "There are donuts in the endzone, Andy!" will no longer be a useful catchphrase to say at Eagles games. Eagles fans want a QB that doesn't turn it over every possession (Matt's suggestion: Mark Sanchez), a defense that can stop a fly, and maybe another player like Vince Papale... that's how far they've fallen people.

San Diego Chargers: The good news for Chargers fans is that most fans have not seen any of the terrible home games because they were all blacked out. The bad news is they still have to see the road games. Is it finally the end for Norv and AJ? Chargers fans certainly hope so, and they'd also like a QB that doesn't turn the ball over every other play (Mike Vick?). Most of all, the Chargers want to go back to the glory days of Stan Humphries and Bobby Ross... Just wow.

Buffalo Bills: Will it ever go right for this team? Santa has no answer, but I say you should blame Robo-Sack. They spend all of the money in the off-season on the defensive side of the ball, unfortunately that money was about as well spent as Skip Bayless' ESPN paycheck (#FreeDisney). The Bills would like a QB who plays like he's Harvard educated at some times, or a young clone of Jim Kelly. Either works.

Jacksonville Jaguars: When it's worse than the expansion year, you know it's bad. Jaguars fans ask Santa for a GM that wants to try to hit for a home run every now and again, instead of grounding out to first trying to hit singles, a QB that makes them think of Mark Brunell every now and again and not Steve Beurlein, and finally can the AJHG calm down and let the Jags play at least one season without entire team on IR? #BecauseJaguars

Kansas City Chiefs: Would Chiefs fans like their team to be completely irrelevant and terrible, or pretty good and always find new ways to choke in the playoffs? Being snakebit is fun, isn't it? Santa tells me their fans want everything to change for this team, and it seems that nothing has ever gone right for this team. They want to be somewhat decent next year, but Santa can't help the fans out and Scott Pioli out at the same time, sadly.

Oakland Raiders: The black hole has become the black hole of football since a 2002 Super Bowl run, and this year hasn't helped matters. "Just win, baby" has been replaced with "Just win, maybe?". The Raiders want to play the Chiefs more often, and they want a defense that can stop something. Santa needs some help here.

That's all I could get out of Santa, so have a Merry Christmas if you celebrate, and hope that your Christmas shopping is easier than his work.

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